We have all lost people to the other side… I have lost people and I was lucky enough to have my husband survive Sudden Adult Death Syndrome… I write a lot about the feelings associated with loss and the fear associated with someone surviving a near death experience…
It’s late, my head throbs,
your face has drained of colour,
if only, I could rest my head –
you might believe for a while
I always loved you.
Problems faded away at your death bed,
all I could remember was, for better or worse,
you joked, I’m here for the better,
I laughed, not knowing worse would be a frequenter.
I’m tired now, but promises from the start
remind us both – till death do we part,
suspicions aside, there is no denying
longevity is fated with an end in everything
if there has been no ending, it is in fact,
I remember my friend’s soulful eyes,
on this dark night I can hear
his laugh, deep and raspy,
omnipresent in a cloud of smoke,
‘I don’t give a shite,’ he rumbled,
with a knowing grin
and a half cocked head
I blushed in the presence
of his knowing death
‘It’s all temporary, you know –
all temporary except for the lovely roots
that will someday compose our roofs’
he laughed, offered me a cigarette,
so insecure, I couldn’t say ‘no’
but now I know, he wouldn’t have minded,
because he knew – it is just temporary.
It was cold the morning,
my head pounded,
my eyes exploded,
you couldn’t know,
you wouldn’t know,
I prayed you didn’t know
what happened to me
because of you.
It was cold,
until you woke up to me.